Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
