So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
