Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
