Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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