Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
