Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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