i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
