who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
