Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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