What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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