i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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