I bet he comes in French.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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