So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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