Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
