dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
