after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
