I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
