When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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