so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
