he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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