im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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