Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
