shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize