We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
