i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
