I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
