I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
