xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
