I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
