it wasn't lemon gatorade
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
