And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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