dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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