he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
