We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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