Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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