And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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