I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
