So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize