I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
