Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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