how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
