he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
