Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
