During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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