you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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