Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
never play flip cup with pint glasses
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
