I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
