Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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