People in love make me want to vomit
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
