I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
