Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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