Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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