Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
