just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
