oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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