I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
