he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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