i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
