i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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