One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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