my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
