Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel great
I just peed on a car
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
