remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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