her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
