Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
