Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, beer. Big fan.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
