Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
P.S. I can't hear my feet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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