Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize